The Homesteading Amish Family

2009-06-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

Last night there was a disturbance at our electric fence so my dad went to go check it out

2009-04-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

This is the really good birdfeeder we made yesterday

2009-04-07T20:42:00.000-07:00

This is her summer home on the outskirts of the town.

2009-04-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

This is her bed.

2009-04-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

My aunt Carol was just exiled by my homestead to Bodie, California. See now lives in the old Swayze Hotel on Bonanza Street.

2009-04-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today our friend Nobi Daddy came to visit. My dad hired him to manage our homestead's communications with the outside world. He speaks in broken English and uses very poor grammar.

2009-03-11T19:46:00.001-07:00

People escaped from the homestead last night because my uncle fell asleep during his patrol shift in guard tower 11.

2009-03-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight my uncle Cletus Delross Lapp is on patrol.

2009-03-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

My dad needed money to buy heat-sensing machine guns to guard our homestead. He borrowed some from our friend Luigi "Bugsy" di Stefano.

2009-02-25T19:12:00.001-08:00

This is their yard

2009-02-25T19:04:00.000-08:00

This is our new neighbor and some more of her cats.

2009-02-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

I started watching my neighbor's cats today to earn some extra money to help power the electric fence, but their house is kinda dirty I think.

2009-02-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

These are the new tutors my dad hired:

2009-02-22T13:19:00.001-08:00

This morning I watched the only Disney cartoon I am aloud to watch

2009-02-14T21:29:00.001-08:00

We keep getting all this ads in the mail for people who want to be tutor of the year.

2009-02-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

This is my dad gearing up in the kitchen to go collect bodies

2009-02-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

My cousin Frederik Yoder escaped from the homestead yesterday.

2009-02-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

His friend Josiah Lapp helped him load the bodies into our new cart.

2009-02-05T11:28:00.000-08:00

My dad put on his body collecting outfit and went out to gather them up early this morning.

2009-02-05T11:21:00.001-08:00

The storm blew in some dead bodies again. My dad is angry he has to collect them instead of tending to his electric fence. People might be escaping from the Amish homestead.

2009-02-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

It snowed last night. This is my dad tending to his electric fence.

2009-02-01T20:45:00.001-08:00

This is when my aunt Carol was on tv.

2009-02-01T18:24:00.001-08:00

Today we watched I Remember Television hosted by famous television journalist Ed Rothhaar.

2009-01-31T19:22:00.000-08:00

And we also watched Flea Market Mania as well as I remember Television.

2009-01-31T19:09:00.000-08:00

Today we watched California's Gold with Huell Howeser. My dad says he was an eccentric billionaire who got rich from hosting his show about historical locations in California. My dad says when they found him. he was a recluse and cat hoarder with 12 inch toenails.

2009-01-19T20:23:00.000-08:00

Today my dad and brother spend all day putting up these signs to keep out intruders.

2009-01-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

My dad made me get a job at the heater factory because he says I am getting to worldly and that he needs money since he has to peddle the electric fence instead of work now. The factory foreman is Josian von Winklestein.

2009-01-12T18:32:00.000-08:00

My aunt Carol, the one formerly with Elephantitis, got a new wig.

2009-01-12T18:27:00.000-08:00

Today when my dad rode his new chariot to get the mail we got yet another card from the Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. It had this picture in it this time.

Electric Fence

2009-01-11T19:49:00.001-08:00

Today my dad put of an electric fence around our homestead. He powers it by peddling a bicycle for 12 hours a day. Lots of people are asking whether it is to keep people out or keep them in?

2009-01-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

Today we visited with my dad's newest friends

2008-12-31T21:28:00.000-08:00

Today we got a Christmas Card from the Brookhaven Institute with this picture in it.

2008-12-31T21:23:00.000-08:00

My brother Wolfgang's friend Bishop von Brimmstone came to visit too.

2008-12-31T21:20:00.001-08:00

My uncle Rubariah came over for New Years.

2008-12-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

My uncle Nobi Daddy's friend Eukariah von Wulfenstein came over dinner.

2008-12-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Today we made blood pudding to give to our neighbors for Christmas

2008-12-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

This is our new cat Big Foot

2008-12-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

This is my uncle Simon Magus von Herberstein. He recently returned to our homestead after going to "school" where he studied the dark arts. He can fly through the air on the wings of demons.

2008-12-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

This is our new cat Cute Baby Scootie

2008-12-11T21:38:00.001-08:00

This is the new cat area my dad built yesterday

2008-12-11T21:36:00.001-08:00

This my new cat cute baby Bustafer

2008-12-10T21:08:00.000-08:00

It took Nobi Daddy fourteen days and fourteen nights to ascend the Mt. Krumpit to meet the high Aldwin.

2008-12-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

My uncle Nobi Daddy tried to read the bones, but they were far too powerful for him. He loaded them into his caravan wagon and took them to the High Aldwin for a better reading.

2008-12-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

These are the dragon bones my dad dug up on our property. He suspects that is died a few months ago. We must be wary of other dragons.

2008-12-09T21:01:00.001-08:00

This is my mom with our new kittens

2008-12-08T19:58:00.001-08:00

My mom got some new cats for christmas.

2008-12-08T19:51:00.002-08:00

This is the decorations on the inside.

2008-12-08T19:51:00.001-08:00

This is the stuff we put up for Christmas this year.

2008-12-04T19:02:00.001-08:00

The people at the Cracker Barrel were very happy that my uncle signed their "reservation book."

2008-12-03T20:12:00.000-08:00

Then then they tried to get us to sign the Devil's Compact. My Uncle Jebediah signed it and he vanished into the dead lights where everyone floats.

2008-12-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

As soon as we sat down, the Barrel employees summoned the devil a book of black magic at the nearest crossroads.

The Devil is Cracker Barrell Country Store!

2008-12-03T20:04:00.000-08:00

Our struggle against Satan and his minions continued today at the Cracker Barrel Country Store.

2008-11-28T19:39:00.000-08:00

This is my cousin Archimedes Beelzebub von Wulfenstein.

2008-11-26T19:35:00.001-08:00

This Thanksgiving we hope to play horseshoes again at my uncle Jingleheimer's home.

2008-11-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving we hope to play horseshoes again at my uncle Jingleheimer's home.

2008-11-26T19:33:00.001-08:00

Last year we dared my cousin Sampson Jagermeister-Holstein to say Santa Claus backwards six times in ancient Greek. He vanished into the dead lights where everyone floats.

2008-11-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

This year my uncle Hezekiah Jingleheimer Schmidt-Mast will be hosting Walpurgis Night at his new house.

2008-11-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

This year we are not celebrating Christmas because it is a pagan holiday. Instead we are celebrating the Feast of Walpurgis Night.

2008-11-25T21:57:00.000-08:00

We are picking out a Yule Log for this year also known as a great ashen faggot. We are also baking Bouche Noel cakes.

The Truth about Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T18:51:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was once called Thesmorphia in classical times. When the Underworld god Hades abducted the young maiden Persephone, her mother, Demeter, wouldn't feed the world, and so, winter came upon the land. When Persephone was restored, an elated Demeter gave the gift of agriculture to mankind. The goddess Demeter was called Thesmophoros because she gave certain thesmoi 'laws' to mankind, and the holiday of Themophoria honors her.

The Truth about Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving as celebrated by worldly Americans is a heathen holiday at best. In fact, its symbol, the cornucopia, is the Horn of the Greek goddess Almathea. In Greek mythology, Amalthea was a goat Zeus on her breast milk. When her horn was accidentally broken off by Zeus while playing together, this changed Amalthea into a unicorn with 17 whiskers. The god Zeus, in remorse, gave her back her horn. The horn then had supernatural powers which would give person in possession of it whatever he or she wished for. This gave rise to the legend of the cornucopia. The original depictions were of the goat's horn filled with fruits and flowers: deities, especially Fortuna, was depicted with the horn of plenty. The cornucopia was also a symbol for a woman's fertility. who raised

2008-11-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

My uncle Jackie is bringing his famous hamburger dinner.

2008-11-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

Once again it is Thanksgiving time. Last year we had a roast pig. My dad made me turn it most of the time.

2008-11-22T22:48:00.001-08:00

This is another person we met at the Brookhaven Institute

2008-11-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

In response to recent accusations that I am a librarian, I have posted my most recent photo.

2008-11-21T20:23:00.000-08:00

We went to Brooklyn to visit the Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. My mom says that these people are like this because they rely on modern conveniences like fast food and running water.

2008-11-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went to my cousin Rudolph Jingelheimer Mast's wedding in Raccoon Creek, Pennsylvania. It was a long horse ride there. We are on vacation this week.

2008-11-20T12:44:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of Nobi Daddy reading bones last Christmas Eve. He said that the bones told him nothing.

2008-11-20T12:09:00.000-08:00

This is my uncle Nobi Daddy who is coming to visit for Christmas.

2008-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

We decided to attend our community's Christmas tree burning

2008-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

This is my uncle Uriah Hankersocker von Kleempt carving our turkey last Thanksgiving.

Christmas Tree

2008-11-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas Trees are for heathens. We decided to get a golden calf instead this year. You don't even have to water it--just burn incense underneath it.

2008-10-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

This is Rolf Gustav-Heinz Yoder who bought Jackie's painting at the mudsale.

2008-09-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Today we had special guest teachers from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My mother said that even though we hate them, they are good because they hate other people just as much as we do.

2008-09-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

This is my mom's yearbook picture from when she was in first grade.

2008-09-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today we learned about how the world is flat. My mom is the teacher even though she is barely literate and has a first grade education. She knows more about the world than the worldly pagans.

2008-09-23T19:37:00.001-07:00

This is a drawing I made of one of the new librarians.

2008-09-23T19:33:00.001-07:00

We are working on new quilts

2008-09-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

This is the pastor from the tent church that set up down the road. He talks about real weird stuff.

2008-09-22T21:47:00.001-07:00

This is our newest shed.

2008-09-22T21:46:00.002-07:00

This is the new scarecrow we built

2008-09-22T21:46:00.001-07:00

This is the bread we made today

2008-09-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

This is my cousin's dog Salome

2008-09-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

We found out that my aunt Carol also has Tree Man's Disease.

2008-09-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

More horseshoes...

2008-09-21T09:06:00.001-07:00

This is my cousin Jedidiah's new buggy he built.

2008-09-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

This is my uncle Jackie's cousin Hogarth Hezekiah von Yodelheimer and his dogs Hingelheimer, Gerkhin, and Obidiah

2008-09-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

This is my dad's new cape he bought from the Amish outfitters.

2008-09-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

At night Aunt Carol slathers her legs in grease because she also has ezcema in addition to elephantitis.

2008-09-19T20:54:00.001-07:00

This my Aunt Edna Cobbelpot Brimmstein who lives in Ohio.

2008-09-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

We are soon to begin our pumpkin harvest

2008-09-18T18:32:00.002-07:00

This is another picture of my Aunt Carol. She also has elephantitis.

2008-09-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Petitt got fired because she didn't come to the library for six weeks. Mrs. Matthias is now the new children's librarian.

2008-09-17T19:04:00.003-07:00

These are my Aunt Caorl's hands

2008-09-17T19:04:00.002-07:00

This is a picture of her in the 50s

2008-09-17T19:04:00.001-07:00

This is my aunt Carol

2008-09-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

This is a drawing I made of the clown who hangs out outside the library.

2008-09-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

This is my cousin Hogar Handelwick Lars Grunewald riding his new scooter he bought at Big Horse Feed.

2008-09-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

This is the poster my brother Hans made for uncle Jackie

2008-09-16T18:35:00.001-07:00

This is the new greeter at the Kmart in town